it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
