My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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