Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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