I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
