have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
