the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
