I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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