oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
