i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
