i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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