I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
