two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
