whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
