and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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