Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
