Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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