Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
