walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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