I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
