I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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