What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
