we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
