so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
