Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
soo... how was my night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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