so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
