Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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