How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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