it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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