a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How naked do you want me to be?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
