He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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