i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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