Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
