he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Two words: nipple clamps
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