Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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