u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
