Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
