just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
