I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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