Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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