its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
