I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
