I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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