just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
