Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
