She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
