Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
