just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
