Plan B is the new Plan A
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
