Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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