i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
