Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
