i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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