He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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