dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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