I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
