I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
