i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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