Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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