cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
