That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
