it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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