know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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