i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
