why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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