giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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