I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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