oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
