How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
