he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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