Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Randomize
