Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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