One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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