You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize