I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
